ABOUT

all right, i'll get straight to the point: i found marijuana in the house. and while i never thought of myself as the type of father who'd have to drug test his kids, i'm willing to do just that if that's what it takes to find out who brought a joint into this house. dad, lucy found something too. dad, i found a joint in mom's dresser drawer. i was just looking for a scarf because i needed something else to go with my outfit. i didn't think you'd mind. but then i stumbled on the joint. mary and i didn't know what to think. i mean, it's really none of our business if you and dad want to-—don't finish that sentence. i assume you're referring to this? this joint? the same joint i found by the front door? same joint your mother then put into her dresser drawer? oops, oh, what a relief? i mean, it's not like we thought that mom was a stoner or anything. wait a minute. then whose joint is it? it's mine. you gotta be kidding. look, simon. man, i can't believe you. girls, you go on up to your room, we need to talk to matt. what the hell do you think you're trying to pull? eric, calm down. no, i think i've been about as calm as i can be throughout this, now it's time for answers. it's not enough that you're smoking dope. you have to bring it into our house. what if one of the younger kids had found this first? but i didn't think that—that's exactly right, you didn't think, because if you thought about anyone but yourself for a second it might have occurred to you that the look that you just saw on simon's face is the look of a kid who's just lost all respect for his older brother. eric—is this why you've never held down a job? because hey, here's something that doesn't take a whole lot to do, just a lighter and a complete lack of self-respect. that's not why—i'm not finished! just let me know one thing. please tell me, it will help me sleep better. tell me that you wanted to get caught, 'cause you couldn't possibly think that we'd be so stupid that we would find out. or better yet, please explain to us how anyone could be so stupid as to do drugs in the first place. i don't know, dad, why don't you ask mom. maybe she could explain it to you. don't you dare bring your mother into this. apologize right now! you're not going anywhere. i'm not staying here. don't you dare walk out that door!